Body Image

I have a little prayer card that I've been praying about my body and I thought I would share it.

"It feels dissociated. When I think of my body, it is like nothing is there, no definition, no skin, no feeling, no boundries, only invasion and no privacy.

Lord, heal my hurts. Equip me to stand this day with this beautiful body and equip me to stand. Be with eating and exercise, and mind.

Lord, I need a body image. A sense of myself with respect to my body. I need to feel "okay" with my body. I need to have the food cravings controlled. I want to stay at this weight. Open doors for exercise."

As far as how I am doing? Struggling. Last week I ate a bunch of crap and this week I am trying to get back into healthy eating and it is okay, but not too good. Today I am planning on having a cinnabon at the airport as my so called dinner.

I asked my exercise fitness teacher at the club I go to for advice on how to control the food cravings. She asked what I craved. I gave her an example of a hot fudge Baskin Robbin's sundae. She asked, "You can eat a whole one of those?" I realized she was not relating to my problem. Last night I actully saw like ten minutes of "the big loser" show and about cried with the contestant who was crying because I understand. I understand.

My scale was 146.5 or so this morning.

Face the music

I cancelled my last two visits to LA weight loss so I have to go in today, because I am making myself go. This morning on my scale I was 145.0 to 145.5. So I hope I don't go over their 5 pound limit over the goal weight to be kicked out of the "maintanence phase." Life is hard. I prayed to God this morning about giving me a sense of body image in Him. Got to run. The shower water is running! Andrea PS I am going away to a fancy wedding this weekend. May God help me eat like a lady with my manners!

Struggles

Well, this past week can be summerized as follows: I was doing good. I was doing bad. I was doing good. I was doing bad. Good. Bad. Good bad good bad goodbad goodbad goodbad goodbad goodbad goodbad goodbad goodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbad.
Yeah. Kind a like that.

Hanging in.

My home scale said 142 yesterday. This morning said 146. Is that even possible? Yes, it is.

goodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbadgoodbad

Smile and wink.

In all things we give thanks, for this is the will of God concerning you!

I am addicted

Okay, so the relapse.

It started out slow, as they sometimes do.

Two peices of fine chocolate. Then two small peices of chocolate later.

Today I was only going to buy two peices of chocolate at Sees. I heard my mouth ordering four (or was it five?) peices, plus the sample. Then for dinner I had an ice cream bar. Then the rest of my son's ice cream.

Over the recent couple of weeks I have been worshipping the Lord, who is called, "my stength" in a Psalm. When I worship the Lord, my strength, I am truly in awe, because God has truly enabled me to do what I absolutely could not do. When I worship Him like the Psalmist David did, and call Him my Strength, I feel like one who is really worshipping something greater than oneself, worshipping Someone who is able, Who is One that I will never be, and I feel a real, true sense of WORSHIP that I hadn't known before in other contexts.

Maybe you don't believe me that I could not have reached my goal weight without God's absolute equiping of my inner being to do so. You are wrong.

I remember when I was 220 pounds. People sure do treat me a lot different. There is a respect when I meet strangers that was never there. It is amazing, the difference. I am amazed at what God has allowed to happen in my body.

You know, there are people who never are able to lose the weight. There are the people who lose weight because of staple surgery, making it nearly physically impossible to regain the weight, but so often they do regain a lot of it. Just look at Al the weatherman on the Today show. The point is, it is believeable that only God could have enabled me to reach 140-145 pounds. But still there are those skeptics who just want to discount God and play up who I am. They are wrong.

God is my strength. And do you know what? He is not going to abandon me now, just when I need Him to keep me in His grace of a "normal" eating pattern.

How does one get God's enabling in the area of weight control? For me it came from prayer and fasting and righteousness by faith along with an application of knowledge over a period of time. Yet still, I find myself not knowing what to do now, because I am unable to control myself. Still, He will be with me. When I am not faithful, He remains faithful.

I am thinking of skipping all concentrated sugars over the next 48 hours and doing my "LA Weightloss" diet for those days and seeking God about what to do next.

Want to yoke up with God? Come join me in the great adventure of faith... Kimber, I'm not talking to you; I'm not sure who I am talking to exactly.

God bless!