Onward!

The day after I got home, I stepped on the scale and saw the number - 147.5. I felt a sigh of relief that it wasn't worse. I thought about all the times that I refrained from eating. I thought about all that I did eat. Then I ate heartily that day.

The next day I stepped on the scale. 150. I began (once again) to follow my diet regimen. I did 75 minutes of yoga/pilates.

The next day was this morning. 148. Today's LA Weightloss diet plan went flawlessly today.

Tomorrow is my scheduled check-in day with LA Weightloss. I was going to cancel and reschedule for about a month. However, I think that I want to go in and face the music. I want to learn. I want to get better, to do better, to be in good control.

I think I am going to have to pay for more weightloss weeks. Oh well.

My plan is to follow my diet plan, my exercise plan, my life plan, complete with Bible Study and prayer, regular work and home life schedule for the two and half weeks ahead before I get to go on yet another vacation!

Then, at the cruise (can you believe it?) I am hoping to eat and exercise, read, study, do Bible Study and hang out.

That is about it. Life goes on. Life is all right with me. It's all good.

Thrown Overboard?

Well, right now, I am like a person thrown overboard and drowning underwater, with a red towel and my hand sticking up from under the water. No, not actually, but sort-of perhaps. Well, I'll just write out what today was like.

Breakfast at the Comfort Suites in Vancouver, Canada was a disappointment. All they had out were the following: toast, cereal, apples, real coffee (no decafe), and fake OJ. I had some cereal and toast.

Exercise at a fitness club in Vancouver - a 75 minute spin class followed by 15 minute weights-circuit training. Then, no food for hours (except an LA Weightloss bar) while my daughter and I were pampered in a salon - 30 minute back massage, nails for fingers and toes. We were there from 11:30 until about 3:30.

We then went to a Thai restaurant. Well, everything was fine up to here. Then - the mall! 4 small pieces of chocolate from one store, and then a specialty carmel apple covered with chocolate and a (about) 1.5 ounce piece of English toffee. Oh well. It was fun, but soon and very soon will be the end of this trip and the reality will hit - the scale at my house!!! Oh, so what.

I have three desires when I get home (many more, actually). First, to study the Bible and pray an hour per day, to exercise seven hours per week and keep my weight about 144 with a healthy, balanced eating pattern, (the weight by my home scale -which is about 149 for the LA weight loss scale). If I do those three things, I feel like I will have a balanced life. Well, time to press on!

"It's like any other addiction"

I remember telling a woman lately, about my/our "eating problem," and saying, "It's like any other addiction." Then, I heard that phrase repeated again, almost word for word just the other day. It is true. Over-eating is just like any other addiction.

Let me tell you how my eating has been going lately....What is the right word? UGH?!, How about, HORRIBLE. It could be worse. Now, I think I need to go back to my LA Weightloss diet, or I will really be in trouble by the time that I get back home, by regaining weight. It could be worse. I haven't like Binged-out or anything too gross.

Exercise that I have done since last log in has been: horseback riding, 60 min yoga/pilates, and I think that is it. A little walking around, perhaps.

I am sick of junk food. I miss my salads, healthy meats, and the good feeling of not being bloated, not being sick to my stomach. HELP ME FATHER! And you know that HE will......(smile).

Addendum (a couple hours later): I did about 25 minutes on a machine in the fitness room tonight. I am powerless. May God help me against these forces greater than myself, that I can be wise tomorrow with my eating!

Help - and Help is one His way!

Last night I got a child's side of spagetti and had about half, maybe a little more than that. I was "done" eating, but then I ate a cinnamon bread stick with icing from my daughter's selection and that was SOOO good. I felt overly full that night, but not all the way grossed or anything.

This morning at the breakfast bar selection at the hotel, I had TWO of their cinnamon rolls. They are SOOOO good and warm and I get to thinking that this is some kind of opportunity that isn't going to be lasting for long. Now I am over-eating, but I know whom I have believed, and I know that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him unto that day (from Timothy).

Dear Father, I give You my body and You know that I don't know how to eat the way that I should. You know how I am weak. My flesh is weak. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit. Help me to treat my body the way that it should be treated, with love and care, and help me to think about food in a sober and accurate way. Show Your sustaining ability through my body, in how You are faithful and are able to make all grace abound unto me. Lord, on my own, I can not eat the way that I know that I ought, because my flesh is powerless over my idols and my addictions, but I give You my flesh. Forgive me for the two cinnamon rolls that I ate, and even that I know You can turn into not that big of a deal, because it is habits and repeated actions that get us into trouble, and not one little slip. Father, I am very glad that currently my body is almost the right way, in terms of health and body image, but let not my pride fool me. Let me see the wretched and weak state that I am in. Let me be thankful and humble. Lord, I am going on and on and on because You know that I am in a desperate situation of need. You know that I am like a person hanging on to a piece of wood in the cold sea after the Titanic has sunk. To whom can I go? I shall go unto my Lord and my King, for He will help me. He is my tower and my strength. He is my refuge. My God is there for me. He is my help in times of trouble. And Lord, You know that without You I am obese. And You love the person inside, whether or not one is obese, but You have set us free from the power of sin and death and when Christ has set you free, do not let yourself be placed under a yoke of bondage again. Jesus, fill me and go with me. After this trip is over, let me be at least the same weight that I was before I started so I don't have to have gone backwards. In Jesus' name, Amen. Give us wisdom and insight, Your strength and help us to receive it.

Log update and Standin' on the Soap Box - may I have a microphone, please?

Haven't filled out my eating journal in a couple of days now, but let this be a portion of an eating journal. Oh, last entry I forgot the fried chicken breast that I ate also.

At our Holiday Inn this morning, they had the breakfast all included and I ate too much. I ate a cinnamon roll AND A POWDER DOUNUT. (Shame and embarrassment seep across my face as it turns to a mild shade of pink.) The powder donut looked so appetizing, but was actually dry. I should have stopped myself, especially when I realized I was not going to enjoy it that much. Perhaps I should have licked the thing right there in the little dining hall with all of the other guests who were there in SD visiting Mount Rushmore. All I really wanted was that powdered sugar. On second thought, maybe I should have asked the employee if she had a bag of powdered sugar in the back and a teaspoon. Okay, now you are being too silly, Andrea. I also had a boiled egg and a small glass of cranberry orange juice.

A few hours later along the wagon trail from SD into Nebraska, I got a little hungry and tried to hold off eating, but within about 10 minutes I had a yogurt that I carried out from the breakfast buffet table at the Holiday Inn (I think they didn't mind). I also had a grapefruit and an LA Light bar. That was at about 11 AM.

At about 3PM, I ate at a chinese place - a dish with beef, chicken and shrimp in combination, with brocolli (no rice, thank you). I had a Diet Pepsi (first one in about four days).

It is 6:30 PM and I am starting to get hungry. May the Lord help me to not eat more than I should, because our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, and we should be good stewards of this gift that God has blessed us with, and not cause it undo sadness and distress and illnesses such as GERD, diabetis, heart disease, certain types of cancer, arthritis, all because we love our stomachs and bow down to it. (There Kimber, does that address those who think that paying attention to our bodies is unspiritual? Ignoring our bodies is unspiritual!)

As far as activity is concerned, yesterday my daughter and I walked about an hour all together, some of it a bit strenuous. It was GREAT to be able to walk with her and not have to sit on the bench huffing and puffing. God has restored me. I repented and He restored me, just as He promised me that He would, a couple of years ago. He is nice.

Today, my daughter and I went on two additional trails, about 30 minutes of walking, some of it mildly strenuous. Then, back at the hotel, I did 65 minutes of yoga/pilates (observed my tummy in the mirror - yeah, more work I'd like to do with that - smaller and tighter) and 22 minutes of bike riding on a crummy, but minimally adequate stationary bike at our next hotel in Nebraska.

One more thing, OBESITY is a major problem in America. OBESITY is not fun. OBESITY is often spiritual bondage. Denial doesn't mean it doesn't exist. If you are stuck with this problem and can not get out, realize GOD SEES and GOD CARES and GOD will move on your behalf, but go to HIM and do not try to do it apart from HIM. Have you yet reached the point that I did when I realized that He is my only hope? May the Lord enable me to complete my occasional series called, "My Food and my Body!" The first several entires are in Adventures of an Ordinary Christian. (May He let me finish this series, and then compile them together and put in on my site available at the click of a button. That is my prayer request Lord, in Your timing and under Your direction and will.)

Oh, yesterday I spilled the beans with my daughter when she asked how much I used to weigh, in her words, "when you were fat?" 220. Now? About 150, I told her. The two tables next to us, BOTH turned around and looked. At that place I had hot water with lemon (because they did not have any decafeinated teas) and a little bit of my daughter's salad. At the ice cream place later I had one little peice of chocolate that when the guy weighed it that it didn't register. He said, "it's free!" and he did give it to me for free. No, I wasn't starving myself, I had just already eaten PLENTY for the day and more would have been ABUSIVE to my body and could not be done in good conscience.

God Bless!

Moving Along

Today I ate an LA Light bar and an apple for breakfast. For lunch I had an apple pie with vanilla ice cream and a very small salad. For dinner I had a grapefruit, an LA Light bar and 0.4 ounces of chocolate in the form of an "ice cube"(aren't those good?)

I exercised in my hotel room for 65 minutes doing yoga/pilates that my instructor let me record on autio tape. Then I went to the fitness center and biked for about 55 minutes.

I think that it would be a lot of fun to do the following: Be a fitness instructor at my church, where we could offer free classes, so we could play Christian music and talk about God. I think that it would be fun to also teach classes on healthy eating and on the spiritual aspects of addiction/glutany. May God bring these things to pass in my life time. I don't forsee them happening for several years. Oh, what fun that would be! We don't even have a church buuilding yet, but I have been praying about that more lately.

I'm taking my eating journal with me. I added two entries. A fullness/hunger scale before and 30 min after eating, and a satisfaction/dissatisfaction scale before and 30 minutes after eating. Taking off to KY soon. My new jeans are cool. Hope and pray that this is my new and final weight - a few more off and that would be just right. Thank you Jesus. Mercies new each day.

Wow...

I did my LA check in and dropped weight and inches, and I was kind of surprised by the jump. Now I have about three weeks "off" from the program, because I am going on this big trip with my daughter.....Oh my.

Yesterday I had a Sundae and tonight I had half of my son's McFlurry and the rest of his icee.

I cried out to God, "Help me!" and tried to make it from my super inner being as much as possible, because I was reminded, "Oh yeah, this is where I came from. This is where He picked me up. I am still an obese person, on the inside, who thinks like an obese person and eats like an obese person. It is because of Christ that He did set me free. I remember now. I am hopeless and desperate. I, this person, who I really am, can not be "thin" on my own. It is Christ in me who is my life. He is the One who has redeemed me from my pit. He is the One who has restored me. Oh yeah, I remember now."

So, that is where I am at. So much that I want to say. I hope that you all who comment in will forgive me if I don't get back to you and "return your calls." It's just that, for me, first of all this is a journal, that I enjoy and love having you peer into, but if I only write in it when I can answer the calls, then I won't be keeping tabs the way I want to for this part of my journey. Well, Kimber, since you are the only one who follows me, in terms of writing, I guess, this doesn't apply that much, but maybe I'll copy these same few lines for my other blog.

God bless.

145 & "What DID she mean?"

I got to 145 on my scale once, but it is now at 146 or 146.5. The process is as slow as molasses, but that is okay. I am going on this big trip with my daughter, and last year when we sent on a similar trip, I was came back at the lowest weight that I had ever reached, before now, that is. At that time I got to like 147 once, but psychologically I couldn't handle it I think. It seems to be a mind trip as much or more than anything else. One woman asked me, "You're not trying to lose weight are you, because you're perfect the way you are." What do you say to that? The truth is, no, I am not actually trying to lose weight, as in 5 more pounds is not exactly what one would call "weight." However, I am trying to be healthy, not be the glutten that I actually am, not to "crave the kings food" (Proverbs?) as I do, and not to regain weight up to a hefty 220 pounds. No, I not trying to "lose weight" as you are implying, like there is something the matter with me, like I have an eating disorder (but I do, in that I am a glutten who craves the "kings food", and am covetous, untrusting of God in and at the level of my flesh and I spend my lusts on my passions, which starts with a C. Chocolate.) No, I am not trying to "lose weight" in the sense that the whole tone of your question is like a put down. Sort of like, "You're not trying to be successful are you? Because being a little bit of a failure will make you and the rest of us feel better." Or, "You're not trying to have your mind be stronger that your body and your stomach, are you, because your mind isn't strong enough for that so why even try?" Gee, what DID she mean? The lesson I learned is, the one time I open my mouth a little tiny, tiny bit, a fly flew in. I should know better from now on.